Lord, why do I have a mindset that judges self so harshly, am I not allowing myself to receive the fullness of your grace? Your grace and mercy are gifts that cannot be earned by works, they are free and the only thing required of me is to accept and receive! I have witnessed over and over again how You intervene in situations on my behalf. Yes, I have felt Your favor as things have worked out magically- but I’ve also felt guilt when I observe others struggle under the circumstances I have to encounter and address daily… What’s my responsibility Lord? I can bring them to Your throne and cry out on their behalf. I try to be as supportive and encouraging as possible, but it’s just not enough! Then I feel guilt as they relapse or end up in jail, like I was somehow responsible!!! That stinks Lord!
And what about this undeserving mindset that causes me to accept lower than low wages, being taken advantage of, scraping by while my children need new clothes and shoes, denying my own family what they are entitled to. That stinks too! Lord, I do trust in Your provision (I guess You took me seriously when in my younger days I used to pray: Please don’t ever make me rich so I won’t place my trust in the things of this world…) Yes- I am content and you are my Jehovah Jireh, perfect provider… and I’m sorry to gripe like this. But I think I need to address some areas in my life. Do I need some kind of inner healing Lord? Would You deal with my insecurities and insufficiencies Lord so I could walk in the fullness of Your plan,
equipped with every needful spiritual gift. You know how I call on you daily, asking for Your holy Spirit to manifest in greater ways in me! Maybe these feelings are just side-effects of dying to self and flesh. But then, why am I approaching these issues with the ways of flesh, rational and analytical thinking?
LORD, my heart is not haughty, Nor my eyes lofty. Neither do I concern myself with great matters, Nor with things too profound for me. Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul, Like a weaned child with his mother; Like a weaned child is my soul within me. O Israel, hope in the LORD From this time forth and forever.
(afterward, Lord showed me Psalm 131 to reflect upon).
We were interceding for three cities tonight, Washington DC, New York and Los Angeles. Some of the visions I received during the intercession were confirmed just minutes later by the leading intercessors. Toward the end I stepped outside to write down what I received.
Re:Washington I saw a Judge’s hammer coming down on the city, calling for God’s justice and righteousness. (this was confirmed minutes later). I also got a reminder of Ezekiel’s vision of the abominations committed by elders in secrecy, inside the walls and in the temple of the Lord. (Later, after hearing the election results I re-read Ezekiel 8 and 9 and realized that my impression that night could refer to both political and religious shifts!). There were men facing the east, worshiping the sun. And an angel with an ink horn marking the foreheads of those who weep over the abominations that were being committed. They were spared of God’s judgment (which begins at His sanctuary).
Re: NY I was reminded of my earlier vision, in which I saw peeling the skin, and eating the heart of a fruit. During intercession I got a mental image of people bowing down to worship Baal (the son of Dagon), then an image of statue of Dagon falling down (after the ark was brought in the house of Dagon). As the statue was erected up again, it fell over the thresh-hold with it’s head and the palms of his hands broken off over the tresh-hold. I felt this depicts Wall Street and the stocks falling, second fall (crash/breaking) being the final fall.
Re: LA I received a Scripture passage: “No longer will the inhabitants of the earth be made drunk with the wine of her fornication.”
(Now I’m well aware that the enemy is also well capable of producing “false confirmations” using Scriptures, so I must admit that I’m not always fully sure if every confirmation I receive is directly from God. And since it’s not always fully clear, I have to submit what I’ve received to others who are more more experienced and able to discern).
10-31-08 Reflecting on worship
Lord, sometimes I wonder if our sincere worship and praise can actually become idol worship- worshiping an image of our worship, molded and perfected into forms that we hold onto, become proud of, claim as our own…
In my ears are ringing two words, “owner’s manual”. Sometimes we tend to create our own ways to achieve desirable effects (such as emotionally charged atmospheres, working up the crowd). Is this right in Your eyes Lord? Who is the owner of the manual? Who else do we direct our worship to, but to You Lord! You own it! We are to be molded into your image, worshiping You in Spirit and in Truth!
But we strive for perfection, trying to sound and look good, polishing and perfecting the ways we present ourselves… Is this what you desire from us, an outward presentation, or the inward submitting to our Lord and Master, in humility of heart, brokenness, with contrite and broken spirit, willing to be emptied of self and it’s ways and allow the Holy Spirit move without restriction! Have mercy on us Lord! Burn up the works of the flesh that are made from wood, hay or stubble!!! Make an end of our ways, so that the only work standing is the work done by Your hands!
66:1,2 Thus says the LORD:”Heaven is My throne, And earth is My footstool. Where is the house that you will build Me? And where is the place of My rest? For all those things My hand has made, And all those things exist,” Says the LORD. “But on this one will I look: On him who is poor and of a contrite spirit, And who trembles at My word.
(I also received word about returning to your first love and doing the first works).
November, weeks 1-2 (rough weeks)
Lord, I am discouraged, do I have to stay a “beggar of grace” forever?
Would You make my feet swift as deer’s… I’m so tired and my steps are heavy! I’m slowly being strangled and Your favor does not reach me!!! I cry out day and night for Your help but still I feel like I’m carrying these burdens alone… Then I lash out at You- where are you??? You see that I’m continually seeking Your face, would You please consider it? Is this necessary Lord? What reward is there to see, none!
(Use the eyes of your heart dear, listen to Me with the ears of your Heart)…
Why did You choose this path for me? Would I be different if my path was designed care-free and light, easy to tread? Would I now be further from you? Yes Lord, You do see much further than I… I will rely on your timing and submit to your plan- and if it must be so, I will stay a beggar of grace ’til the end of my days…
(Lord also released to me the following rhymes):
Fill me with Your joy Lord
Increase in me Your peace!
Cast away the sorrow,
Taunting and the tease!
The enemy’s been defeated,
This I know full well-
My Savior’s Blood I pleaded
To shut the gates of hell!
To worry I’ve no reason
No matter what may come
My strength in every season
Be Father, Spirit, Son!!!