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Archive for October, 2008

October post, journal entries

Mid-September 

Lord, what would You like to say to me regarding my journaling? Am I making any progress here? I need to set some time aside, just for us and without distraction!!! Please tell me, where and when Lord…

My child, take your journal with you- as you do your daily assignments.  You have felt My Presence in the midst of strife- remember the times I’ve asked you to stop and hide because of the pressures of your job? Did I not provide you both the time and the place?  I AM your hiding place, your shelter.

Ok Lord, yes, You are my shelter and my refuge… Thank You. I have been through much distress lately and I really cannot say if I’ve done any service to You.  The situations are becoming more difficult to handle. I’m also sensing more separation here Lord. Why am I becoming more of a stranger to everyone? Why do I look at these situations differently than those around me Lord? Only You know how things will turn out in the end.  Please make things turn out well… You know the needs.

Do not worry! I’m in control, my beloved.  What I need from you is obedience.  Remember the prophet Ezekiel. You are seen as stranger because I’m separating you, setting you aside. Be not afraid and faint not, only trust and obey Me.
The Lord is your keeper.

Yes Lord, I will trust in You…

End of September

Lord, you are my keeper… And my hiding place. Much has happened since my last entry. You introduced me to a special group of believers and brought some old forgotten things to surface (I’m apparently not done “dealing with” yet).  So I have a few questions for you Lord.

I’m a bit overwhelmed by everything that you have shown me as You’ve brought me through this transition. It hasn’t become fully clear to me yet, where You’re taking me Lord… But one thing is for certain- You’re expanding my faith perspective and I thank you for it!!!

It’s been a long time coming… Reaching this point of my life. seeking a closer walk with you I have embraced new and exciting vistas and honestly, I don’t think I would be able to go back to “the old” ways.  I was chatting with my cousin last week and she asked me, “are you not with us any more?”  So I explained how I felt about the body of Christ consisting of different members (denominational differences laid aside). So there will most likely be consequences as the word travels…  Maybe I’ve reached the point of no more compromise! Hallelujah!  If they only knew about my escapades… might be too much to digest, in one sitting. They would probably see it as open rebellion – I do not want to cause discord within the family.  They are so precious to me and I have much to be thankful for, regarding my upbringing and the foundations of my faith.

Of course, everything has taken place one step at a time.  I have questioned you, challenged the new ideas, looked for proof. Yes I like to get to the bottom of things. Yes, this will probably continue for some time (the struggle between intellect and spirit-led).  You know I’m open for correction and guidance Lord.  I’m not afraid of the mistakes that will come along the way, helping me realize and reach new levels of growth. Thank you Jesus for walking right beside me through it all!

What comes to things surfacing, sometimes I feel so “green” at this stuff Lord!  I’ve never stepped forward quite the way I’ve been doing in the past few weeks and months.   It seems like You are now accelerating this whole thing! I cannot deny that what I have seen and received (such as words of knowledge) have been very accurate in fact!  I have connected with many spirit-filled women of God and I’m so thankful for it!!! Cool how You do that Lord, in such supernatural ways! You gave me that dream where I was washing dishes in a church during service (where a woman preacher came and scorned me for doing dishes, then placed a tray full of cakes, bread, drink pitcher etc. above my head). I was wondering what it meant, and soon found out! (Actually, the very next day). I walked into a church (my first visit) and they were involved in a very deep intercession at the moment.  (I prayed God to confirm to me if what I was witnessing was real). I was soon convinced and went forward to the front, where everyone was. A lady came over to me and began prophesying, singing: “you’re not Martha, you are Mary, sitting at Jesus’ feet”… She was just pouring out beautiful, anointed song!!! I went down touched by Holy Spirit, really sweetly and softly, never have felt it in such a precious way.  I found a very special place- Thank you Jesus!

1st of October

Reflecting on fasting today, the attitudes of the heart vs. the works.  Rosh hashanah, a day of divine judgment -perhaps I am to come before Your Throne with a repentant heart.

Sometimes, as the fast progresses past the comfort zone, the attacks come. Soon, without even realizing it, thoughts of prejudice or resentment may arise… With me, such feelings are usually connected to either the people I work for/with or the difficult cases I’m dealing with at the moment.  And rather than interceding on their behalf I end up repenting…  As the motives and the intentions of the heart surface, inner secrets are exposed and revealed, demanding to be dealt with.

The purposes do vary – this fasting was meant for self assessment and -judgment, repenting and correcting the wrong mindsets, followed by intercession. All Praise Honor and Glory to You Lord!

I repent and call upon You Lord, for the justice system in our nation.
My burden, “trampling underfoot” the rights of the oppressed,
the sick, the poor, the unborn!

Lord have mercy on the agency I work for!
I repent for not being the voice You are calling me to be -to the least of these-
The widow and the orphan, those who aren’t able to defend themselves.
Have mercy Lord!!!

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