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Archive for October, 2007

Weeks 39-40

These weeks have whizzed by so quickly, haven’t had much time for extra activities. Although, spending a lot of time behind the wheel (as I’m transporting, stuck in traffic or waiting in lines) allows me some extra time for reflection and prayer. I treasure this aspect of my job, being able to draw close to the Lord.  As I play beautiful praise and worship tunes while driving the littlest ones to the supervised visits with their biological parents/family members, I often feel great stirring in my spirit!!! I’m thus prompted to pray for their cause and bless them in the sweet flowing Spirit of the Lord. The benefits become quite apparent, as I see how these precious children are comforted by the beautifully sang gentle tunes (mostly sung by choirs, in Finnish).

Of course, there are times when I experience much conflict with some clients, that is a very stark contrast to the aforementioned blessed moments. During some of the visits I supervise, people are voicing their pain and disgust, almost screaming for help and justice, as it seems to them, that none is available… How could I offer comfort… Such experiences make me feel very inadequate and sorrowful.  Lots of burdens to cast upon the throne of God.

I do experience much heartache daily but also feel great compassion that’s
beyond description!!! The rewards, confirmations and the way Lord
intervenes in many situations are such an adventure (I never know what
to expect, yet always know that He’s in charge!)  All Praise and Glory
to God!  Even though people can’t see immediate results, I know that
seeds have been sowed…  And I’m thrilled when His "peace within"
becomes apparent in dangerous or tricky situations. Lord is faithful
and true 🙂 and always works things out, even to the smallest of
details!

There’s always a sense of hope, no matter how bad the
situation looks. I see it in people’s eyes so often, it’s awesome!  The
Comforter is present!  I feel that He witnesses on my behalf even when
I myself am slow to find the right words to comfort those who’re
hurting… Oftentimes they’re in so much pain that it’s hard to bring
up the subject of faith, other than in general terms (by mainly telling
that He cares, knows where they’re at, can help)…  But even when I
don’t say much, people talk about their lives and struggles,
confessing, confiding about their spiritual seeking and praying! This
can only be the working of the Holy Spirit, He reveals what the
individual needs are so I can "pour it out" to Daddy in private! He is
able!

My experiences have always been combinations of strong contrasts and extremes, it’s an interesting aspect of what I call "my lot" in life. I’ve learned to accept it as such, after submitting much questioning, doubting, even self-condemnation to the Maker. "Why did you form such a vessel" has been my question many a time.  At times it seems like a vessel for dishonor, other times a vessel for honor and sanctification, for the Master’s use…  Such groanings of spirit that Apostle Paul and Martin Luther, for example struggled with during their earthy lives. 

Yes, we have to live in the midst of corruption and sin.  At times, it tries to cling onto our flesh, especially when we take our eyes off Jesus and start to look at our own selves (concentrating on our own weaknesses or the opposite, striving in our own strength). Such buildings of straw must be burned down! Valuable lessons for Christians – this became painfully clear to me a couple of times these past few weeks. I crumbled and fell into sin soon after making a statement about being above the circumstances and living "full-time" in victory (in Jesus). Along came some really rough days- and this proved to "not be the case" at all…  I was wearied, tempted and got blasted, twice!  Then the old self-condemnation kicked in, followed by repentance and realization, that I am nothing, I have nothing to give, it all comes from God. It is because of  His mercy and by His grace alone -that I may be called a child of God.

There has been some conflict and division at the church also, people taking sides, speaking behind other’s backs… We’re all guilty of such and need to repent of our lack of love and unity.  Things have been brought to the table, attempts have been made to clear some of the issues. No-one knows for sure where we stand (I’m not speaking of our standing with God now) with the church issues. Lord Jesus, show us the way -Your way- to make it through this time of conflict.  Let us concentrate on You alone, not on each other’s shortcomings. Forgive us Lord, forgive me for being guilty of this, in Your precious name and blood. Amen.

Also, heal us Lord of the physical ailments.  By Your stripes, amen.

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